I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
