I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
