his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
