I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
only you would photoshop your dick
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
