Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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