I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
