I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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