I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
