so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
