Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I checked into jail on foursquare
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
