dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize