she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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