I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
