You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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