Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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