Will you blow on my dice?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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