She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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