yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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