he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
