4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
