sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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