When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
