the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
