'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Success! We fucked roommates!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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