This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
