Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
false alarm, still single
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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