So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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