I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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