I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
