Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
