He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
