i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
