Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
