I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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