Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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