Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
And then he peed in my hair
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
