He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
