we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
