Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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