he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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