I think I won the penis lottery.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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