Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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