I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
