Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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