Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize