I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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