look no pants
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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