You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If i come over, it means nothing
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
