Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
