he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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