he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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