apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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