Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize