i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
