Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
