Your face is a jimmy john
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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