Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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