Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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