eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
