Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
