hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize