Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
