Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
