we have officially lost it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My feet surprised me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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