i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
