This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
