I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
