WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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