why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
