Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She even gives head with a lisp.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
