Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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