I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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