I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What a dumb baby whore.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
