Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
