"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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