you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
