after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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