saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
