He is such a slut. More and more my type.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
