I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
