I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize