I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
