do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize