He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
love makes seman taste better
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
