he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
