i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
