i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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