these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
