I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize