I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
