i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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