No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
