she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
