I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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