Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
