Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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