There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
