yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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