just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
