hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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