so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
