Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
