She's JV to your varsity
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
