We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
