My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
