Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize